Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Series

The Twilight Series

Whew! I've finally finished the Twilight Series. My life is again my own. I haven't been this wrapped up in a book--or several books--in years. My writing, feeding the birds, cleaning the litter boxes everything has been on hold. I did manage to drag myself into work:)
Stephenie Meyer is amazing. She has created a world that feels completely real and has managed to make the creating look deceptively easy. And even though you think you know where the story is going she has so many twists, turns and side roads you're never completely certain how its going to end.

Today's writing is often styled in almost bullet-like bites so as not to lose a busy, impatient audience. But Ms. Meyer's takes the time to describe everything: emotions, surroundings, clothes, scents, styles, accessories, and atmosphere. And she does it in such a way that we aren't bogged down, fidgeting in our seats with all this information, but sucked in by it, absorbing it.
She has taken a now-common theme--vampires and werewolves--and placed her own unique and appealing spin on it, creating characters that are brought to life for the reader: a complex vampire (several actually), a teenage young woman strongly drawn to someone who's not human, and perhaps one of the most endearing secondary characters of all, a small town sheriff, with simple interests and a deep love for his daughter.
Ms. Meyer has managed to weave all the basic strands of a story together--plot, character, emotion--and come up with a bestseller.
Have you read the series yet? If not, I highly recommend it. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

If at first you don't succeed try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.--W.C. Fields


Wally's Wedding Night

At 78 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.




After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 78 year old groom, ready for action.They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.





After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it...... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says, 'You mean I was here already?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Half Wit


A man owned a small farm in South Carolina. the South Carolina Wage and Hours Department, running spot checks, wanted to check if he was paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "There's my farm hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $500.00 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months and I pay her $300.00 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10.00 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to..the half wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

Monday, July 20, 2009

"Be nice to people on the way up because you meet them on the way down." Jimmy Durante
Accept that some days you're the pigeon,And some days you're the statue.*
Always keep your words soft and sweet,Just in case you have to eat them.*
Always wear stuff that will make you look good If you die in the middle of it.*
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be"Recalled" by their maker.*
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.*
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,It was probably worth it.*
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.*
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,Because then you won't have a leg to stand on.*
Nobody cares if you can't dance well.Just get up and dance.*
Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.*
The second mouse gets the cheese.*
When everything's coming your way,You're in the wrong lane.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

"A lie gets half way around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Maxine, Harry Truman




Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry--Bill Cosby




Maxine--My First Day of Employment

So after landing my new job as a department store greeter,
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to our deparment store.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'**** no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the **** would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at our department store.'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.


* * * *


Harry Truman

In 1948, My mother took my sister, Lois and me to the Madison train station to see the last of the "Whistle Stop Train trips." It was the way to go during campaigning, and President Truman, his wife, Bess and daughter were on that train, along with "Secret Service" men, and the train people. This train left Washington, DC and went all the way to Bellingham, state of WA. The President spoke off the back of the train with Secret Service men around the base of the train.


Because we were so small, my Mother dropped Lois and me down onto the train tracks to see the short speech the President made. Then a porter on the train gave Lois and me the President's Breakfast menu for that day.


Two years ago, I offered my menu (Lois has lost track of hers) to the Harry S.. Truman Library and Museum in Independence, MO - and after they authenticated my menu, they placed it in a special glass case - with an invitation (if we ever were in that city) to come see MY menu on display.


My brother-in-law said I should have put it on ebay and gotten some money for it - but I didn't want the money. I wanted unknown people to view this cream colored menu, bearing the Presidential gold seal, with red, white and blue tassels swinging from the 6 pages of breakfast items (hot and cold cereals, eggs, bacon, toas, etc - with NO prices listed!). I am proud that I kept this menu clean all these decades! - and that I had not lost it!


Leslee Waite,
author of From Peril to Princess


'My choices early in life were to either be a piano player at a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth there's hardly any difference.'

Harry Truman

Monday, July 13, 2009

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts then there is no hurt but only more love--Mother Teresa









A new Penny pic.





Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Waiting for the Weekend




Is It Friday yet?


This is Penny the new foster. Remember George, the cat who chose his own family. He somehow manages to get on the roof, then waits till they stand on the ramp and hold out a chair for him to jump into. Sounds like a circus act doesn't it? :)

Monday, July 6, 2009

Male Bonding, Cigars and Parrots

Cigars and Male Bonding at the Wedding
From left to right: My nephew, husband, son(groom) and bro

* * * *


A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning in a few moments with a beautiful black Lab. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet escorted the dog from the room and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and delicately sniffed the bird. The cat then sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but, as I said, your parrot is most definitely one hundred percent certifiably dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner still in shock, took the bill.

"A hundred and fifty dollars!" she cried. "A hundred and fifty dollars just to tell me my bird is dead?"

The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would only have been twenty, but what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan it's a hundred and fifty."

Sunday, July 5, 2009

A few wedding pics

The Happy Couple



The father and bride





The Ceremony












The bride and groom's dance








* * * * *

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(Ok, I'm going off the 'pig' idea a bit)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue..
(Hmmmmmm.......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Vacation


Doing the vacation thing

As previously mentioned, my daughter, son in law, sister and I went to Williamsburg, Virginia. We had a great time but didn't get to any of the historical sites. sigh. We spent one day at Busch Gardens.My son in law and sister took in all the roller coasters, you know the one's that aren't for the faint of heart? My daughter and I did the water and more sedate rides and were perfectly happy.

This little guy on the left joined us for lunch.
On the right, my sister and daughter as you probably already guessed.









My daughter on the bumper cars. I caught up with her though:)









The daughter and I.




On the right is her hh and a character from Sesame Street I don't recognize.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Wedding

Without his love I can do nothing. With his love there is nothing I cannot do. Author Unknown

The big day has come and gone. The outdoor wedding was very beautiful. I'll post the wedding pictures as soon as I get them. Below are pics that were taken before we left the house.
On the left is the groom two days before the wedding. He looks pretty relaxed doesn't he? Below: coming down the stairs before we left the house , tux jacket in hand.

Sibs and I

A couple of the sibs and myself before the wedding

Mom and Dad

Mom and Dad before the wedding. Note the infamous pink vest.

Groom and mom


Groom and Mom Before the Wedding

The Groom and Best Man

The Groom and Best Man(Dad) Before the Wedding