Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Tuesday's Titters

Smart Ass Answers

It was mealtime during a flight on an Airline.
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge overhead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets
stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'

And just plain silly......
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?' The clerk says, 'What denomination?'
The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10
Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'


Monday, July 28, 2014

Done and Done

I've finished my WIP! Now I've got two months to turn my hamburger into steak or closer to home my tofu into faux meatloaf.  Unfortunately, it feels like it needs about four. Oh well, when the going gets tough, the tough, etc etc. In this case do a lot of hand wringing.  I had a great idea for a novel, at least I thought it was. grin. But once I got into it, I realized I'd created all kinds of barriers for myself, the biggest being the hero and the heroine were apart. Thank goodness for telephone videos grin.
I was at a workshop where an agent suggested after a manuscript is written stick it in a drawer for a couple of weeks or more then bring it out and clean it up. Great advise but who has time to do that? What do you do? When you're done do you set it aside and let it simmer or do you plow on through?

On another note, did you see this? If it turns out to be a real cure won't that be wonderful? Cats, they're priceless.

Friday, July 25, 2014

It's Finally Friday

Dad's Getting Down
Interested in food and nutrition? Bud Julia Barrett has well-researched, need-to-know information on foods, their nutritional value and an occasional recipe. A born storyteller, if she's not blogging about foods, she usually has hilarious information to share about herself and her German Shepherd Jake.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

A World Apart

 Fellow Lyrical author Cd Brennan has a new release: A WORLD APART. I don’t often read contemporary romances, but in this case I’m glad I did. It was a fun read that was well-written and held my interest. The characters jumped right off the page, kidnapped me and drew me into their world. Lizzy Jensen is a fun-loving, free spirit who has traveled to Scotland to find her roots.  Instead, she finds Hamish Skene, the strong, silent type. Silent being the operative word since he has a phobia about  social situations. Together these two muddle from one near disaster to another and finally discover that not only do opposites attract, but in this instance, are also made for each other.
If you are interested in wiling away a few hours in the Scottish countryside, I’d recommend it. Cd also has WATERSHED on sale for .99 through July 26th. See below.
She left home to find herself...and found love along the way.
Lizzy travels to Scotland to track down her roots, hoping where she comes from will help her figure out where she needs to go. An Aussie girl through and through, tough as nuts and a bit wild, she believes there’s nothing so wonderful as a world seen through wine-tinted glasses...
...until she meets Hottie Hamish, Bridge of Allan’s most eligible bachelor.
Hamish is Lizzy’s polar opposite in every way. He’s serious, driven, and motivated, focused on becoming the youngest associate professor at the Glasgow School of Art. But he’s hiding a social phobia behind his gruff exterior that makes it almost impossible to connect with people...
...until he meets Lost Lizzy, all sunshine and lightness, an Australian beauty with the proverbial heart of gold.
Where they come from may be worlds apart, but atop a Scottish Munro, they begin to realize where they’re going is best traveled side by side.
 CONTENT WARNING: Graphic descriptions of haggis ingredients.
 A Lyrical Press New Adult Romance
Just as Lizzy had determined that she would be brave and take his hand, Hamish leaned into her. “This song they are playing is called Flower of Scotland.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Aye…it’s our song.”
Lizzy leaned in closer, her eyes buried deep into the Scotsman’s, mere inches away. “Ours?” It came out a whisper.
His eyebrow rose in question. “For all the Scots…for you, too. It’s one of our unofficial national anthems.”
Embarrassed, Lizzy looked away from him to the dance floor. She was surprised no one was dancing, only a few remained at the edge in small groups, laughing and talking animatedly. That’s where Hamish should be.
The lights in the room had finally been dimmed to get ready for dinner, and servers went from table to table lighting the candles.
“Will you dance with me?”
“The ceilidh doesn’t start until after the dinner.”
“Who says we have to dance when everyone else dances?”
Buy links
Author Bio
Having traveled and lived all over the world, Cd Brennan now talks with a strange accent, a mix of distant terminology, a blend of culturally cute but confusing euphemisms that leaves everyone looking at her with a blank stare. Luckily, her Australian husband (who she met in Ireland) and her two Aussie/Yankee sons have no problem understanding her – well, except for the word NO.
Now settled back “home” in Michigan, she enjoys reliving her glory days by writing about them. She considers the last fifteen years abroad the perfect research for her Love Where You Roam series; matchmaking women and men from different cultures, even different hemispheres, helping them find their true one across oceans of difference.
As destiny plays a hand in all the stories, Cd Brennan truly believes that what is for you, won’t pass you by. She hopes to inspire others to get out there: “Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” [Mark Twain]  And of course, fall in love.
Get in touch with her at www.cdbrennan.com

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Tuesday's Titters

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the
other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Monday, July 21, 2014

It's Monday

Watch out for phone scams from your own phone:
Question for the day:
If getting enough sleep helps slow the aging process why don't cats live longer than we do?